if this is reality, i want to be insane

sometimes I just feel like its not worth it. Even when I’m trying my hardest to be better, the past comes back and screws it up

Watching that brought up feelings I’ve tried to keep buried for a long time.

R.I.P to everyone we’ve lost over the last year or so, the world is a little less bright without you all

I am struggling to keep a handle on the feelings and rage I can feel building up inside me

Why do I always over analyse things?
Why can’t I just accept that maybe good things can happen without expecting that something bad will happen to balance it out?  
This particular good thing I am referring to, I need it in my life so badly.

I hope it stays <3 

sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder who would really miss me if I suddenly disappeared? Like I’m nothing special at all. If I suddenly ceased to exist the world would keep turning, nothing bad would happen. Life would just go on. So what is the point? Someone tell me that…

sometimes I just hate myself.

She says ” we need to talk…..” 

Immediately my heart plummets 50 stories

Without me even noticing that much she’s gone from someone I didn’t know to someone I care about so much, I didn’t believe it could feel this easy with someone again. I’m scared though, I’m scared that I’m going to wake up at some point and it will all just be a dream. If this is the case however then please don’t wake me up because at this point in my life I need her… <3

I miss her so much right now :(